Thursday, April 28, 2011

Playwrights Project Scene 1 for Feedback

[Sianna sighs and is acing back and forth.]



“Look Macayla, I don’t know if you know whats going on but this place we call home isn’t a home”



Nariaha



[Macayla bounces up and down on the bed in a sweet voice]



“What do you mean it’s not a home. Mommy says it’s our home”



Sianna



[Raises her voice in an angry way]



“She is not our mother she’s just a play mom”

Nariaha



[Curls her hair around her fingers]



“What’s a play mom? Is it like a barbie doll mommy”.



Sianna



“ You have to know the truth, she’s our foster mom”



Nariaha



[Sweet Voice]



“What’s a foster mom?”



Sianna



[optional: stage directions]



“Shh, not so loud or she’ll hear us”

Nariaha



[Antsy and speaks in a louder sweet voice]



“WHAT’S A FOSTER MOM!”



Sianna



“ Fine, a foster mom is when some other lady comes to take care of us and and they lie to us and tell us they are our mom’s and they really aren’t”



Nariaha



[optional: stage directions]



“So you she’s a fake mommy?”



Sianna







“Well you can say that”



Nariaha



[optional: stage directions]



“After all these years she’s a fake”
Is there anything I could add to Scene 1 of my Play?
More Dialogue
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More Details Less Deatils

  
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What could I add to this scene to make it better?

3 comments:

  1. I like your Scene I think that you should Bold the names to make it easier to read.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Good job Sharuice just make sure you put more details because its kind of boring!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Great start Shaurice, I am very interested in your play. Keep it up!

    ReplyDelete